Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 19: Grieving Loss

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
from Ecclesiastes

The seasons do change, and there is purpose in each season. Today, I believe it.

This is a certainly a season of change for me and our family. Our move to Colorado has been good and right, but harder than I ever dreamed.

As we were preparing to move, I knew deep down in my gut that I would need time to adjust. Time to transition. Time to rest and rediscover God's purpose for this next chapter of our life.

{My husband, he's not wired this way. He thrives on change. I run from it. Some days I wish I were more like him.}

But in a wave of panic, I ran ahead on my own and tried to run from this season of change. Since we were transitioning from homeschooling to traditional school for this year, I thought it was time for me to get a"real" paying job outside of the home. I rationalized it in my head, even though my heart knew better. I even got a job offer. A good job. What I forgot was how much my family still needed me here at home and how my first and favorite job was still to be a mom. Some moms can do more. I just can't. So I had to make the very hard decision to step back and say no. Hardest. Decision. I've. Ever. Made. It was not my time. And for that, I'm grieving. For so many things, I'm grieving. Saying goodbye to dear friends, moving farther away from family, and leaving behind a growing church and school community was and still is painful. The reality of that loss is still sinking in. But for the first time in a long time, I know that Jesus truly knows and understands my pain. He lost a lot, too. Even more than a job or an identity or a family or a home.

I'm finally understanding that there needs to be a time to grieve loss. Even in a move. And taking time to grieve that loss is healthy, even though it's hard.

I'm writing for 31 days of {Healthy} Living this month.
Join me and let's LIVE! Check out the end of Day 1 for the link to all the posts.


Lisa S. said...

So looking forward to catching up with you this week :)

Tiffany Nevil said...

I always took great comfort in that God knows who I truly am. He made me and he knows my heart and my soul. There is no better One to walk you through the discovery of yourself. I pray your journey would be sweet and that your heart would be encouraged. There is a time to grieve and a time for sorrow. We'll mourn with you as you grieve and some day not too far away, we'll rejoice with you on a new path. We love you Kara!

Christan Perona said...

Love you.